The peace of harmony

Let me tell you about the magnificently amazing youthfulness of positive vibe.  She’s a spirit whose heart glows so beautiful her love flows from head to toe.  Whose love is so powerful no smile may fall to a frown, so sweet few refuse to greet.   This is the positive vibe that I know, the essence we all want to show, the spirit we hope never to let go.

When the sun sets over the horizon and we are left alone, we watch the sight of all of our might slip away in her final rays of light.  Her hand falls from our grasp, we tremble as we linger and waste.  We yearn to taste one more touch of her grace.

The dark beauty returns in her stead and she wreaths us in her embrace.  As she holds us we watch dream after dream crumble to dust, till we become a mountain of broken antiquity.  Our skin shrinks tightly around our fingers and the flesh of our form pulls tightly over bone.  The negative vibe of the dark beauty is eating us alive, and soon we know that we be no more than a husk of our former glory.

As we slowly lurch toward our final moments, the memory of the great positive vibe begins to disintegrate. We begin to believe that she never existed at all. Not a trace memory of her lurking about the dust bunnies and cob webs.  We begin to believe that it is as it has always has been. We feel alone and abandoned and love seems like a mystery, a fable, a simple a legend in a story book.

As we look up to say our good bye, it is then at that moment we see an ethereal sign. A glimmer, a shinny yet pale glow dancing in the sky.  A reflection beckons our eye, a lunar message with a silvery trace. Our heart and soul are laced with the silken strands of her grace, it is the voice of our long love.  Her words are soft and pure fitting us perfectly like a glove and through harmony we will find love.  She says we will see her again, and soon we shall know.  Our love, our positive vibe speaks true to our heart, she tells us that to be true to ourselves we must marry good and bad, we must love to be happy and sad.

In this slightly solar lit eve we begin to perceive the relationship of positive and negative and the arranged ever eternal marriage we have with it. The stillness of the air is no longer brutal, and the quiet is no longer unbearable.  We no longer miss the pitter patter of her feet, her sighs and musings.  We no longer miss feeling her warmth against us, nor her tender touch and the sweet kiss of her lips.

Now we have peace and harmony, for we know she will return, and upon her return she will leave once again.

CLEAVE

Warmth enriches my soul when I stare into the captivated eyes of my audience.  To know I have touched them so deeply, that I have strummed their heart strings and created a harmonious melody.  There is an intangible intimacy between creator and critic. A bond, that though fleeting has the power to influence hearts, change minds and move nations.  This bond is the life energy of the world, found in the root of civilization since the beginning of time.

Art, no matter the medium, unites the people through the magic of storytelling.  We have the opportunity to guide others to look beyond their own eyes and experience the world through the vision of another.

Like storytellers and philosophers of ancient times I too seek to inspire, bring joy, and help others help themselves.  I desire to take the hardship and heart break of my own life to fill the void of those who taste the fruits of my imagination.  I want to give others what was never given to me, to plant the seed found in my own journeys, to watch it grow and bloom into a brilliant flower. I want to see others do more than just survive; I want to watch them thrive on this beautiful earth.

By working with the community, and unifying the wonderful people,  I will have the tools needed to achieve my dreams.  I want to educate people with my dream.  A dream to influence an entire generation of young people to be self-sufficient and live fulfilling lives.  The best way I know to do this is through the most powerful instrument of the modern age: artistic expression.

I have considered several avenues to achieve my dream; all were simple stepping stones to the road I now walk.  Through community involvement and by building the foundation of a cohesive creative community I will able to touch hundreds if not thousands of lives.  CLEAVE, the Creative League of Entertainers, Artists, Visionaries and Entrepreneurs will be this doorway.  Through it, the involvement and contributions of the community we will have place where the creative heart can be at peace.

Shyness, it sucks

Shyness, it sucks.  That’s how I would describe it in three words. The shyness I am talking about here is the kind when you want to engage with others, but there is an invisible force that keeps you from doing it.  There are lots of people who simply don’t want to talk to other people, and that is fine.  But, when you want to make new friends or talk to that special person who caught your eye, the experience is horrific.

People are often surprised when I tell them that I used to be a very shy person.  Sometimes they ask me how I overcame it.  When they do, I tell them this fancy story:

In my mid twenties, I was at a local dinner, sitting with a great friend of mine.  A few booths over there was a group of young ladies talking.  One in particular caught my eye, I was entranced by her beauty, I needed to meet her.  Unfortunately I was frozen in fear, caught by a net of all consuming terror.  At the moment I couldn’t muster a reason why I felt this, I didn’t understand why I was so afraid. If she was so intimidating why would I be attracted to her.

After several moments of being teased by my friend for not approaching her, I rose from my seat and walked over to her table.  My hands were shaking, and my heart was pounding in my chest.  When I opened my mouth to speak, all of my charm fled and I found myself completely unable to articulate my words.  I stood there at the end of the table for several moments, I could feel their judgement piercing my soul.  In a burst of what little confidence I had, I spoke to her briefly and then walked back to my seat.

I could hear them talking about me, describing how my hands were shaking, and how weird I seemed. As I sat there eating my meal, I reflected over the instance, and I came to the conclusion that I must have appeared completely insane.

Though at first I would see this as a failure I would soon realize that it was a success.  Though I was unable to bridge my introduction into a conversation, I was able to overcome the fear of talking to her.  I set out to do something, and I did it.  It was from this that I was able to build my confidence.  I spent some time thinking about how I could eliminate my social anxiety, and over several years of pushing myself I was able to become the social butterfly that I am today.

Overcoming anything requires force of will, but we are simply unable to eliminate our hardships in one fell sweep.  We have to dedicate ourselves to a purpose and stick to it.  My social anxiety didn’t disappear in this moment. I had to work on it daily.  One of the first tricks that I used was to smile and say hello to every person I saw.  When they didn’t smile back or say hello, I made myself feel better by saying to myself that they were the ones missing out, or that I didn’t want them in my life anyhow.

If you are a person like myself who loves people, and wants to have as many great friendships as you can, then challenge yourself, talk to others. Eventually you will realize that there is nothing to fear.  Most likely the person you want to talk to was wanting to speak to you in the first place.

Good vibes to you and have a wonderful day!

Death, dreams and passions and the value of life

Last night while at work, I was dealing to several gentlemen.  Well before I go any further let me define dealing, I am in fact a poker dealer at a casino here in Saint Louis.  Back to the story,  we got onto the topic of life and death, dreams and passions and the value of life.

One of the gentlemen, we will name him Sweat Pants Guy. Sweat Pants Guy asked me what I wanted to do career wise, and what my dream job would be.  The first one is hard to answer, cause well, ultimately my dream job would be one that would use my skills.  A place where I could problem solve, interact with people, and leave a lasting impact on my workplace.  I went on to say that I wanted to be able to fulfill my basic needs to maintain a harmonious life.  These needs being to inspire, to provide joy and to help other people help themselves.

Sweat Pants Guy asked me what my dream job would be, and I told him it would be to create children programs that would teach them domestic skills, so they could grow up and be self sufficient.

He went on to say that those things are “all fine and dandy, but you have to be able to feed yourself at the end of the day.”  I agreed with him, but went on to say that money and food alone is not enough to feed me.  I need to have an impact on the world, to feel like I have made a difference.  That to make a difference you have to be willing to devote yourself utterly and completely to your cause.  I do not fear hardship just like I do not fear death, and that is why I will achieve these needs and dreams.

Another gentleman at the table, we will name him Friendly Philosopher; he asked me to describe why I don’t fear death.  I said that I do not fear death, but if you put a gun to my head I would be afraid.  It is human nature for my sympathetic nervous system to rise at the threat of danger, but as I move through life I do not fear the end.  Instead I believe that it is the finality that life provides that motivates us to do something with our lives.

This motivation in life is that I try to live like I have already died, and that I am looking at the snap shots of my life that I am most at peace with.  This leads me to make the best possible decisions.  These actions that I take however, are not with the hopes of going to a pleasant life after death, nor are they out of fear of going to a place where I will be punished.  Simply put I believe that doing good and the right thing should be done, because they are the right thing to do.

Friendly Philosopher asked me if I believed in god, and I told him that I did.  He was surprised, and told me that my philosophy was not typically found in people who believed in a higher power.  I was going to continue that conversation, but a man we will describe as Angry Muscle Guy told me that I need to shut up and deal.

The comments of Angry Muscle Guy are pretty standard, whether the game is moving at the appropriate pace or not.  Angry Muscle Guy is the stereotypical representation of how people dehumanize employees within the customer service industry.  His demand that I shut up, then became a string of insults, all of which I addressed in a civil and professional manner.

To close the conversation with Friendly Philosopher and Sweat Pants Guy, I told them that as time passes the perception of its passage gets faster and faster. If I want to be at peace with myself at the end of my life, I have to make some sacrifices to get there.

Another gentleman at the table, Loving Lawyer told me that it is simple mathematics. When you are ten years old, a year is ten percent of your life.  When you fifty years old it is a much lower percent.  Your perception changes, because you have lived longer.

I told Loving Lawyer that I agreed with him, but there is more to it than just math.  I have seen so many people walk through life and never achieve anything more than just doing the minimum. It reminded me of a TED talks that I watched recently, where a gamer lady discussed the regrets that people had in life.  While not completely relevant to the conversation at hand, the intent was the same.

I said to Loving Lawyer that the pull of time, or at least my perception of it has become a powerful force. That at the stage I am in life, I need to do what makes me feel fulfilled.

The passage of time is ultimately subjective, we have learned that its passage can be different depending on where you record it.  I believe that it is important to not only life for the moment, but to also live it so that in the future we can cherish the moments we had in the past.  Do what makes you feel fulfilled, and when death comes to your door, you will be ready to welcome it without regret.