Poem

Potatoes carrots and rice,
bees flying on the backs of life. Geez that sounds real nice!
Now show me the kinds of things that you like!

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Poem

Billy. Jillian. Billy Gew. Thats how I know that I knew you.
Lauren. Morris and Borris too. Thats how I know that you ate glue.
Peter. Paul. Betty and Sue, I remember when we found that shoe.
Roger, Timmy, Thomas and Toenail. I remember when we made that cow go moo.

These are the friends I bought at the store. All my old ones were such a bore. But now if you must know, I have made so very many many more.

I met Todd sitting on a log. His face was red and his ears so big.
And then there was Ned, sitting on that fluffy bed. He told me to call him Tackey Matty, and introduced me to Milly Dew.

Robby was known for being soggy and wore big brown shoes. Maloney ate bologni and constantly said show me after shouting whew!

I met Gore while he was sore, recovering from his walk to the store.

Tommy said he was a toadstool and was really good at pool. Doug owned a filthy pug named Lug and had a girlfriend named Geri.

Now with all these friends I dont know what to do. Clearly I cant go boohoo. Sometimes I am weary, but now I know, that if I want to be happy I have to put on a show.

Now I need to call Billy, Jillian, Billy Gew, Lauren, Morris and Borris too. I need to contact Peter, Paul, Betty and Sue, Roger, Timmy, Thomas and Toenail. I’ll have to find Todd and his log, Ned also known as Tacky Matty, and let us not forget about Milley Dew. I will get Robby, Maloney, Gore, Tommy, Doug plus his pug named Lug… and even Geri too.

Now I have almost everyone, but not just yet.
I know I missing something.
What should I get?

Oh yes now I know
That something is simple.
Its simply you!

CLEAVE and the future of education

What do I want to see happen with the CLEAVE project?  In the long run I would like to see it become an alternative option for college.  I would like for it to open doorways, to show others that there is a different way to learn and for it to ignite the creative fire in the heart of the community.

When I was young my creative potential was never cultivated.  I had no mentor, there was no one in my life to serve as my guide. I had to stumble along the path of expression.  As a child loved to draw, write and play role-playing games. These activities were described as a waste of time by my father and my mother was never interested in anything I wanted to show her.  The most encouragement I received from my mother was posthumously in a letter.

In its current manifestation and in the future of CLEAVE I would like for the organization to become a creative community.  One where the members cultivate the creative talent in everyone.  I would like for it to provide guides and mentors, especially for those individuals whose family’s discourage the exploration of the arts.

The Emotional Roller Coaster of Life

Would you rather feel a refreshing breeze against your skin on a hot muggy day, or be locked into a colorful cart with thirty people?  Of course the later would also include being launched down a rail of adrenaline pumping, super twirly twisting roller coaster awesomeness.

Personally I would prefer the refreshing breeze, but I am not one to pursue thrills on rails, or amusement parks for that matter.  I’m typically the buzz kill cause I want to treat myself with a few water rides and then head on home.

Life is kind of like an amusement park, we have all these colorful sights, all sorts of people, a million lines and lots of roller coaster rides.  Of course I can’t know exactly what another person feels, but I do know this is how my life is.  Its in my nature to experience these highs and lows, twists and turns, thrills and chills.  I love how I’ve had the opportunity to experience an incredible range of human emotion.  I have tasted the bitter breath of death, while standing at the edge of oblivion.  I have melted under the rush of a mushy gushy lovey dovey crush.  I’ve squealed while dancing head over heels and experienced the greatest pinnacle of joy.  I’ve had moments where I believed myself to be superhuman and I’ve had moments where I felt no more than a squished bug.

The importance of all of these experiences is they have allowed me to empathize with the world.  They have given me the sight to see from another person’s eyes.  They have shown me that even at the worst of times, when I want to kick off my shoes and jump to the next life, that we can choose to turn around and hitch a ride, to continue our adventure in the road of life.

Poem

Beef, chicken, poptarts and glue.
I just cant get enough of you.

While I eat my favorite flavor,
Hanging out with my fun savior
I beat the heat, by taking a seat,
And I wear my hat to the side
Like a big yellow slippery slide
And Im filled with so much watah
I just gotta to holla

Later Ill be Drinking a beer with big ol daddy deer
While smores are cooked on oars.

But today, if I may.
I will say
Yes indeed, surely whirly its true,
Today wheely really will be,
The best day to chill with you.

Letters Introduction

When I was younger I decided to write myself a few letters that I could open and read at a later date.  I have never really enjoyed the idea of writing something in a journal.  I was afraid that someone would read it and judge me for my private inner thoughts.  As I have gotten older I have found peace with my most wonderful and dark parts.  If it wasn’t for the life events of these last three years this blog would not be possible.

Though I am broadcasting my thoughts and feelings to the inter-webs for everyone to see, I am actually a very private person.  I love people, but I believe that there are certain things that we should not share with others.  These things that we do not share are the elements of friendship that are given to those who earn it.

My inspiration to write this blog is to challenge myself and to hopefully guide others to the oasis of wisdom and inner peace.  With that said I am no wiser than anyone else, to make that claim would be a clear indication that I lack wisdom, for no person can truly know the wisdom of another.

If you would like to see who I was just some years ago, feel free to check back tomorrow.

It was wonderful connecting with you and I hope you have an incredible day.

Shawn White

The peace of harmony

Let me tell you about the magnificently amazing youthfulness of positive vibe.  She’s a spirit whose heart glows so beautiful her love flows from head to toe.  Whose love is so powerful no smile may fall to a frown, so sweet few refuse to greet.   This is the positive vibe that I know, the essence we all want to show, the spirit we hope never to let go.

When the sun sets over the horizon and we are left alone, we watch the sight of all of our might slip away in her final rays of light.  Her hand falls from our grasp, we tremble as we linger and waste.  We yearn to taste one more touch of her grace.

The dark beauty returns in her stead and she wreaths us in her embrace.  As she holds us we watch dream after dream crumble to dust, till we become a mountain of broken antiquity.  Our skin shrinks tightly around our fingers and the flesh of our form pulls tightly over bone.  The negative vibe of the dark beauty is eating us alive, and soon we know that we be no more than a husk of our former glory.

As we slowly lurch toward our final moments, the memory of the great positive vibe begins to disintegrate. We begin to believe that she never existed at all. Not a trace memory of her lurking about the dust bunnies and cob webs.  We begin to believe that it is as it has always has been. We feel alone and abandoned and love seems like a mystery, a fable, a simple a legend in a story book.

As we look up to say our good bye, it is then at that moment we see an ethereal sign. A glimmer, a shinny yet pale glow dancing in the sky.  A reflection beckons our eye, a lunar message with a silvery trace. Our heart and soul are laced with the silken strands of her grace, it is the voice of our long love.  Her words are soft and pure fitting us perfectly like a glove and through harmony we will find love.  She says we will see her again, and soon we shall know.  Our love, our positive vibe speaks true to our heart, she tells us that to be true to ourselves we must marry good and bad, we must love to be happy and sad.

In this slightly solar lit eve we begin to perceive the relationship of positive and negative and the arranged ever eternal marriage we have with it. The stillness of the air is no longer brutal, and the quiet is no longer unbearable.  We no longer miss the pitter patter of her feet, her sighs and musings.  We no longer miss feeling her warmth against us, nor her tender touch and the sweet kiss of her lips.

Now we have peace and harmony, for we know she will return, and upon her return she will leave once again.

CLEAVE

Warmth enriches my soul when I stare into the captivated eyes of my audience.  To know I have touched them so deeply, that I have strummed their heart strings and created a harmonious melody.  There is an intangible intimacy between creator and critic. A bond, that though fleeting has the power to influence hearts, change minds and move nations.  This bond is the life energy of the world, found in the root of civilization since the beginning of time.

Art, no matter the medium, unites the people through the magic of storytelling.  We have the opportunity to guide others to look beyond their own eyes and experience the world through the vision of another.

Like storytellers and philosophers of ancient times I too seek to inspire, bring joy, and help others help themselves.  I desire to take the hardship and heart break of my own life to fill the void of those who taste the fruits of my imagination.  I want to give others what was never given to me, to plant the seed found in my own journeys, to watch it grow and bloom into a brilliant flower. I want to see others do more than just survive; I want to watch them thrive on this beautiful earth.

By working with the community, and unifying the wonderful people,  I will have the tools needed to achieve my dreams.  I want to educate people with my dream.  A dream to influence an entire generation of young people to be self-sufficient and live fulfilling lives.  The best way I know to do this is through the most powerful instrument of the modern age: artistic expression.

I have considered several avenues to achieve my dream; all were simple stepping stones to the road I now walk.  Through community involvement and by building the foundation of a cohesive creative community I will able to touch hundreds if not thousands of lives.  CLEAVE, the Creative League of Entertainers, Artists, Visionaries and Entrepreneurs will be this doorway.  Through it, the involvement and contributions of the community we will have place where the creative heart can be at peace.

The Dark Side

What is your dark side?  Is your dark side the opposite of who you are normally, is it some similar but twisted variant of you?  Do you only have one dark side or do you have many.  Would you define your dark side as bad?

I have experienced many variations of my dark side and in my younger years it was more prevalent than it is now.  I could have been described as a trickster, obscene and even abrasive, but as a young man I was confused, I was lost and didn’t have the skills necessary to feed my basic needs.  Interestingly enough it was during these years that I had my greatest social anxiety.  The combination now makes sense in hind sight, my dark side was brought to the surface because my actual personality was being held captive, in part by myself, and in part by my family.

The captivity that I am describing is far greater than social anxiety.  It was an indoctrination by my family and my willingness to accept myself as who they wanted me to be.  My father and brothers attempted to suppress my personality traits by making me dependent on their advice.  As a child and then to an even greater extent after my mother died these manipulations grew to cult like proportions.  It wouldn’t be for many years after breaking ground with my proactive prevention of regret that I would unshackle myself fully from captivity.

My current self would not be impressed with the actions my dark side performed.  Though I say this, I do not regret any of the actions I took while I allowed my dark side to be in control.  Had I not have gone through those steps I would have never had the skills I possess now.  I would have never discovered the tools necessary to live a fulfilling and harmonious life.  I do not have any ill will against my dark side, even now, when I see it boil to the surface I do not fight it. Instead I work with it, because ultimately my dark side is me, and its presence is like a check engine light, it informs me that I am doing something wrong and I need to find a way to solve it.

I think that is one of the reasons I do not suffer from insomnia as much as I used to.  I am at peace with my self now more than I ever have in my life, and with each passing year I seem to grow in my understanding, of not only myself but also the greater picture of life.

What is your story?  How would you define your dark side, and what kind of relationship do you have with it?  What is holding your personality captive, and what could you do to free yourself.  If you don’t want to free yourself consider asking yourself the question: why?  For all those who have and are walking the road to freedom, I praise you.  Use your wisdom and strength to guide other wary wanderers to discover their own plot of peace.